A couple of Sundays ago I had a post about contentment. Mainly because there has been so much that I have been thinking about and asking myself why? I had a list of things that I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30 and a lot of them I really had to think about why I wanted to accomplish these things. Sure, I want to loose weight, but what was my real reason for wanted to do it so fast. If it takes me 2 years to lose it, what difference does it make? As long as I am healthy and happy with it. My weight is something that I have been struggling with for a long time now, just about my whole life. And I am at a point where I am who I am. The same size 14/16 that I have been for the past 10 years. I am not saying that I am giving up, but what I am saying is that I am going to do what makes me happy. If that includes eating a burger every week, then so be it. I see so many woman that are curvier, and they embrace it. I am so caught up on the size of items that I've completely lost my sense of style.
Awwh, the single life. Where to start with this one?!?!? Ya'll all know how I hate technology and what its done to communication as we know it. Well, there is a reason for that. I just feel like everywhere I look everyones life is moving forward but mine. I know that I shouldn't compare myself, but there are parts of me that cannot help but to. I'm sure that I am insecure in a lot of ways about being 30 *gasp* single, and not married and *grabbing my chest like Fred Sanford* no kids. It just starts to wear one me and I wonder when will it be my time. But this is where the whole contentment thing comes in. Why am I so concerned and obsessed with being in a relationship or with someone. I honestly had to ask myself why? Am I trying to save face? Want to be in the in crowd so that I can go on couples weekend with friends? All selfish reasons. If I were to find someone, and settle for them just to have a relationship, I would be miserable and it wouldn't be in God's time. I believe that I should cherish this time that I have alone and learn from it and learn myself. Honestly, that is what I have been doing. Lately, I have had some moments of clarity...and I have taken a look at some of the men that I thought was the one and now see as dodged that bullet. But it does have its lonely moments, but this is where I am supposed to lean on the Lord.
Stay tuned for Part II!