Poetic Infertility...

My fear.  The thing that runs through my mind when no one is around. It consumes me at times. Beyond marriage, beyond meeting my soul mate, and beyond being successful. About four years ago I dated a dude who was much younger than me. A slip up, no protection, and a plan B pill. My mind goes back to that conversation before the Plan B pill ‘You are how old and you’ve never been pregnant…are you sure you can have kids.’ After the gulp, the swallows, cool water going down my throat washing away chance, the chance for my dream to come true.

With that pill did I wash away my chance for a baby? Nowhere near the magnitude of abortion, but still playing in my mind. The movie of my life that involved a him or her, dependent on me for everything and with me for life.

No, I have never intentionally tried to get pregnant. Have I had scares, yes. Maybe it was all in my mind. Beyond the talks with the doctor(s), ‘Oh your ovaries just aren’t working correctly’. What does that mean? No kids for me. Past all of the pills to regulate my periods, ‘Sure birth control can help you with the cramps and the heavy flow that you have, but most importantly it’ll help regulate your periods.’ Pill induced periods, how womanly is that. In the end you’re saving eggs, so that when it does happen you’ll have plenty to go around. Right. Chemically produced in a lab that makes my sex drive go from 60 to 0 in 3.5 weeks. ‘Oh you’re young. 30 no problem, 39 then you start to worry.’ Is what the doctor says. Am I going about this the wrong way? Dreams of the future, a house, a husband and fear… infertility.

Thankful Thursdays...

11. Food on my table
12. Shoes on my feet
13. An abundance of clothes
14. An open mind
15. Health Insurance

Music Review Monday...

What I am about to post may not be new to all of the girls under the age of 15 out there with Bieber Fever. Yes, I am going to confess, I am a 30 year old woman and I have a case of Bieber Fever! I've had this song on my MP3 player for the past 2 months or so. Don't Judge me, just listen!

Thankful Thursdays...

6. A right mind
7. A thick head of hair!
8. Nails that will grow by doing absolutely nothing at all
9. A car that runs and that is paid off
10. Independence!

Word of Wisdom

Who would have thought that some actual words of wisdom could come from Ricky Ross Da Boss aka Rozay. I guess inspiration comes in all forms =)

Music Review Monday

One of my all-time favorite singers is coming out wiht a new album: Anita Baker. Only Forever is due out October 23, 2012. I know that I will be awaiting and actually paying for my copy of the CD. For now, listen to her lead single, Lately, which is a remake of Tyreses' song.

Sigh. They don't make good music like this no more!

Thankful Thursdays...

1. Blessed to have my mother and father in my life and always by my side
2. A great group of friends
3. A job that supports my lifestyle
4. Sight in one eye--I could have been blind
5. Family

Words of Wisdom

Me and Thrift Stores...No More

Alright, its all the rage on youtube, blogs, everywhere to shop in thrift and consignment stores. Call me paranoid, but I am terrified of what I might bring home (i.e. bedbugs). Not to mention, I hardly ever find anything except for shoes. I am fortunate that I live in an area were people who have a little more money live and give away good stuff all of the time. There are two great stores near me: Red, White, and Blue RT. 65 and Goodwill on McKnight Rd. But even when I take the chance and go, I never find anything.

I often wonder 'Did you really get that at the Thrift store, or did you just buy it from somewhere?'. I cannot help but think that you were able to find a pair of Gucci Shades for $5, when the only thing that I could find was a pair of leopard wedges for $4---that's not even name brand.

I am not saying that I am totally against going to Thrift stores, but it's not going to be my first choice for getting clothes and other items. I feel like there are so many stores that have great deals out there, that I'll take my chances there first.  For instance, I found this shirt dress at Kmart for $17.

Attention Geometric Shirt Dress

This is too cute, affordable, perfect for fall, unique, and easy to match with a million things. I don't have to worry about finding it, loving it, and darn it, not my size.

If you want to shop at Thrift stores, go for it! A couple of tips that I have learned along the way. Wash everything! So many times you just want to wear whatever it is that you get. No No. Even the stuff with tags get washed. For shoes, always spray with Lysol just to kill any foot fungus that might be hiding out in there. If you are scared of taking home [bed] bugs, put all items in a bag, close tightly, sit the bag out in the sun for a couple hours. Afterwards, spray with a bug spray and shake out clothes or take the items immediately to a Laundromat and wash with hot water (if possible, depending on fabrics).

Spiritual Sunday: Jesus Drank, Can I?

A couple of weeks ago, as you know, I got baptized.  Although my life before I got baptized wasn’t completely out of control, I started questioning some  things. One of the things that I questioned was drinking. Now, had slowed waaay down from my college days, but I would call myself a social drinker now-a-days. I am completely fine with going out with friends and only having a single drink, or none at all. I did a little bit of research and found out that Jesus drank (wine), so it makes me wonder can I?

Wait, let me put that disclaimer out there that I am by no means trying to rewrite the bible. This is just my interpretation as a beginner in my walk with Christ. We all know that it takes time to change and baby steps may be in order. This is not my way of trying to twist the words or undermine the importance of living a pure life and heart like Christ.

I recently went out to happy hour with a friend that was moving out of town. We arrived at Bar Louie and immediately my mind went to: should I drink something or shouldn’t I?  I thought about how I just took this important step in my life and already I was back sliding. Heathen. Anyway, we arrived and I glanced through the happy hour list and thought, How about a nice glass of wine. There is nothing wrong with wine; they drank it all the time in the New Testament, right? That is exactly what I had, a glass of wine. I didn’t feel that I was doing it because of peer pressure or get drunk, just a drink of wine instead of an alcohol laden drink that would have me drunk after a couple sips.  I didn’t feel bad after I had my glass of wine. I wasn’t drunk, maybe slightly more relaxed, but nothing major. We even talked about my baptism.

My interpretation, in my mind, is that having a glass of wine isn’t a bad thing. I think that it depends on ones intentions on why they are drinking. The purpose of drinking the wine for me wasn’t to get drunk, but to have a nice time with my friend before she left the state for a new adventure. Getting drunk was never my intention, or hers. It was more like a form of fellowship for us.  By the way, I am not a wine drinker, I just thought that it would be as potent as other drinks because my intentions were not to get drunk.

So for all of my other fellow Christians out there, please do not chop my head off. But instead, give your opinion and enlighten me on how you feel about the topic.

Thankful Thursdays...

As I sit here with tears rolling down my face watching this episode of Secret Millionaire. It got me to thinking...well, that show and something that I seen on pintrest. I am starting a new blog post series called Thankful Thursdays.

On Thursdays, I will be posing and counting my blessings. This may be something that you may want to do as well. I read somewhere were you should just keep a list and post it on the fridge or where you will see it often. I'm on the internet more than I am in the kitchen, but I may also keep this in a journal.

So what do you think? Will you start being Thankful on Thursdays with me?

Words of Wisdom

Hometown Abomination: Lord Forgive Me...

I just have to get this off of my chest! It's been working on me for the past couple of weeks. I have a friend that moved away from Pittsburgh to DC. This is fine, nothing wrong with expanding your horizons and getting out there. The only problem that I have is the sheer, unadulterated hate that she has for the place that she was born and raised at.  It's not so much the hate, but the ignorance that goes along with it.

She constantly talks about things here that she knows nothing about since she hasn't lived here in so long. For instance, I said something about jobs and the first thing out of her mouth is that 'people in Pittsburgh don't have good jobs. There are a few jobs that are really paying any real money there'. Well, excuse me, when was the last time you looked for jobs in Pittsburgh? What is real money where you live at?

I mentioned something about the tunnels being closed for the weekend. 'They are still working on that? Ugh, they need to stop that stuff. See that is the reason why...in Pittsburgh'. Umh, I didn't know that you were driving on the roads here this weekend?

'The nightlife sucks at Pittsburgh; there is nothing going on there'. Alright, granted there might not be something poppin' in the city every weekend, but there is something to do, depending on your interests are. To me after you get a certain age, the club isn't your number one priority.

Where did all of this hometown animosity come from?!?! I am not sure. I understand that people move away and other places become their home, which is fine. But please do not talk about a city that you haven't lived in for years. There are things to do in every city if you are open minded. And every city has its unique quirks, pros and cons. Some people may not want to live in a city where a nice one-bedroom will set you back $1200. But rather enjoy their extra money on vacations visiting other cities. People who have left and came back to Pittsburgh, have said that they wouldn't have come back here if they could. Most people came back because of jobs.

It just gets under my skin that there is a constant negative attitude, comment or remark when it comes to Pittsburgh. Yes, we may not be as advanced as some cities, but its your hometown. Sometimes I feel like perhaps there is a little longing to be back here at times. It's not like everything that she tells me that she does makes me want to hop up and move there ASAP. Both of our Friday nights sound the same, with the exception of the constant club hopping, which at my age is starting to bore me. There isn't like there are stories of cultural outings; intimate affairs with the president; or events that make me just want to drop everything and go. (Even though some of the concerts would be a welcome change). Even though I will mention her bad mouthing the city she grew up in, she just continues to say things. 'If I get married, I'll never do it there, none of the venues match my style'. But what venues down there [DC] match it?

Perhaps, I should stop thinking that if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all. Come what may, there is no place like home. No matter how far you go, no matter how nice, there is no place like home.

Lord please forgive me, but this was just wearing on my heart and I just had to get it out.

See What Had Happened...

I know that a couple of weeks ago I posted that I was going to do a post on Senegalese Twists and the styles that I have done with them. Well, long story short, my twists are looking a little raggedy.

I am not sure if my hair is growing faster than I expected or what, but they are not looking 100% right now. I actaully had the styles planned out and experimenting with taking the pictures, but they just look nappy around the edges.

I have been trying several things to keep my edges under control, but aside from getting them redone, which costs $100, I'll just be dealing wiht it. I wanted to keep them in for 3 months, but I might be taking these out in more like two.

Random Thoughts

New month, random thoughts. Consider this like my month end review.

I have been loving my crockpot!

I thought that the song Stevie J wrote was great for Mimi...not the lease bit romantic, but who knew he could sing.

I got to listen to this Frank Ocean album and see what all the hype is about.

Recently, I have been planning *in my mind* my wedding and baby shower

I am going start asking boldly for things. Just randomly pulling up at drive thrus and yelling my order.

Spring cleaning wasn't enough, I need to do end of the summer cleaning.

H&M is killing my pockets...along with Nordstroms.

Where did all of this money come from? Not sure. But I am so proud that I brought my parents a new mattress--in cash!

I would rather poke my eyes out than do this budget for work...which is why I am writing this post (:

I hate when people make their smiley faces this way (:

I've been thinking about making a emergency survival kit...seriously.

Follow me on Pinterest!

Dermal piercings keep popping into my head.


Magic Mike

(poke) Doorbell!

Words of Wisdom