Hometown Abomination: Lord Forgive Me...

I just have to get this off of my chest! It's been working on me for the past couple of weeks. I have a friend that moved away from Pittsburgh to DC. This is fine, nothing wrong with expanding your horizons and getting out there. The only problem that I have is the sheer, unadulterated hate that she has for the place that she was born and raised at.  It's not so much the hate, but the ignorance that goes along with it.

She constantly talks about things here that she knows nothing about since she hasn't lived here in so long. For instance, I said something about jobs and the first thing out of her mouth is that 'people in Pittsburgh don't have good jobs. There are a few jobs that are really paying any real money there'. Well, excuse me, when was the last time you looked for jobs in Pittsburgh? What is real money where you live at?

I mentioned something about the tunnels being closed for the weekend. 'They are still working on that? Ugh, they need to stop that stuff. See that is the reason why...in Pittsburgh'. Umh, I didn't know that you were driving on the roads here this weekend?

'The nightlife sucks at Pittsburgh; there is nothing going on there'. Alright, granted there might not be something poppin' in the city every weekend, but there is something to do, depending on your interests are. To me after you get a certain age, the club isn't your number one priority.

Where did all of this hometown animosity come from?!?! I am not sure. I understand that people move away and other places become their home, which is fine. But please do not talk about a city that you haven't lived in for years. There are things to do in every city if you are open minded. And every city has its unique quirks, pros and cons. Some people may not want to live in a city where a nice one-bedroom will set you back $1200. But rather enjoy their extra money on vacations visiting other cities. People who have left and came back to Pittsburgh, have said that they wouldn't have come back here if they could. Most people came back because of jobs.

It just gets under my skin that there is a constant negative attitude, comment or remark when it comes to Pittsburgh. Yes, we may not be as advanced as some cities, but its your hometown. Sometimes I feel like perhaps there is a little longing to be back here at times. It's not like everything that she tells me that she does makes me want to hop up and move there ASAP. Both of our Friday nights sound the same, with the exception of the constant club hopping, which at my age is starting to bore me. There isn't like there are stories of cultural outings; intimate affairs with the president; or events that make me just want to drop everything and go. (Even though some of the concerts would be a welcome change). Even though I will mention her bad mouthing the city she grew up in, she just continues to say things. 'If I get married, I'll never do it there, none of the venues match my style'. But what venues down there [DC] match it?

Perhaps, I should stop thinking that if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all. Come what may, there is no place like home. No matter how far you go, no matter how nice, there is no place like home.

Lord please forgive me, but this was just wearing on my heart and I just had to get it out.

What's a Single Sistah to do?

It's Friday night and instead of me being out with the dude that I was talking to, I am typing out this post as a way to vent. I finally break down, well, wait, make time to go out with this boy dude that I am talking to and what does he do??!?!?! STAND ME UP!

I talked to him on Wednesday just to confirm that we were still going out. I am a planner and I wanted to check the weather, how to wear my hair, make-up, shoes, the normal stuff. He confirmed going to happy hour at Mad Mex in Shadyside (or that area). Fine. So, yesterday, I didn't hear from him, so I text him. He texts back. I call him later, just to chit chat. Everything seems fine.

Today, I text him while on lunch for the address of the place and he gives it to me. Nothing else. I stop by CVS to pick up some make-up because I seen it on sale for 75% off. I text him to see what time we were meeting up. He says 9:15. Ok. Now from here, its confusing. He says, We can hook up another time. Just let me know ahead of time when we want to hook up. Huh!? I was so confused. I didn't understand where this was coming from. I ask if this was a bad time and he says tonight is great for me. I am the one that set it up for tonight. We can try another time. Have a good night. Ok, I never said anything about not wanting to go, so I didn't know where this was coming from. I called him and he said that he was talking to his mother, didn't answer, but text me back. Then I ask him what is really going on. He says I was going just didn't feel the vibe, maybe next time will be better. I want to kick it with you but I feel your not interested in me. What does that have to do with us going out as friends?!?!?! He says that we were going out as friends, but we can go at another time. I text him back 'If we were going as friend then what does it matter if I am interested in your or not? See, its just not making sense to me. I really wanted to go but for whatever reason, even though it's a good time for both of us you don't want to go. I was really looking forward to going. I just feel let down and that your not being completely honest with me.'

Nothing back from him; no call or text.

What is a single sistah to do?!?! I don't want to be the angry black woman, but I am upset about this. I could have made other plans or went out somewhere else. Why didn't he say this earlier. I asked him and never got an answer. Although cliche, I think that he was out with another girl.

After being stood up on a Friday night, I am sitting here eating a semi-disgusting steak sandwich and slightly underdone breaded mushrooms from Pizza Milano while watching what TLC calls: Brideday. It is bad that I am being cynical and thinking that maybe I'll never get married?!? Try to stay positive...think positive.

Just in Case, Take Care: Part III

It's a normal Monday night, and I am looking at one of my new shows, Two Broke Girls, and the episode is about Max misinterpreting one of her friends gestures as more than what they are. She ends up kissing him in the streets...while his girlfriend is right behind him. (Click here for full episode). He confronts her and she asks him why didn't he tell her. He said that is was because he didn't know what do with his feelings for her and his girlfriend. Sign? Maybe.

My whole thing is that we've been friends for years, and yes we have even been intimate before. I've started my period and messed up his sheets, he's walked in on me having sex, we just have one of those relationships friendships. Did I think that it was weird that he came into town and didn't meet-up? Yeah, but what can I say. Is it weird that he hung with mutual friends and never bother to call me? I had to hear about it from them. But you couldn't call me? Could he have been hiding some feelings for me and didn't know how he would react when he seen me? Maybe. At the time that he came into town I didn't know that he had a girlfriend. To make matters worst, I seen a picture of him and his girl on his facebook page. Did I feel some type of way? Yeah, I did, but they look good together.

I'm at the point where I think that I need to just stay off of facebook. You see stuff that you don't need to see. I'm a realists and I know that the reason/way that I feel about him and this whole situation is because I was reading into things to much and because of the intimacy that we once had my feelings are distorted. I brought this on myself; he doesn't know how I feel about it and whatever feelings that he may have towards me, he can keep it to himself. To be honest, I think that how I feel about him is just a knee-jerk reaction that I had because I think that him having someone is going to effect what we have. Which isn't much, just open communication. I shared stuff with him that I share with my closest girl-friends. Why couldn't he do the same?

To be a good friend, I am going to keep my word and proof the resume and send it back to him...but after that, like Drake's new album, Take Care.

Afterthoughts: I read everything that I wrote and really sat down and thought about it, and I realize that the posts pertaining to Just in Case, Take Care are my initial reactions. Now that I have had time to think about things--I mean really think about them--I overreacted. Now that the initial shock and raw emotions have passed,  I am fine. Honestly. Writing things out and venting about a situations helps to put things into perspective and see things for what they really are.

Just in Case, Take Care: Part II

Fast forward a couple of conversations and texts, he asks me to proof his resume. Sure. Friends do that for one another. Alright, the next things catches me completely off guard. He states that he would consider moving to PA for a job. Ok, move from a diverse, melting pot, brimming with more opportunity than here, back to PA. (This may actually be the point where I took things a lil' too literally). Oh huh, if that is what you want to do. Now before I get into this next part just know that it's funny how things come out right without you even prying--and just another reason why I feel like social media networks have corrupted our communication skills. So, on a IM conversation, we get into a conversation about sex. He asks me about my celibacy journey and the conversation goes from there. During this conversation he states that he gets in on a regular basis. Really? This is different. I ask

Me:You have a woman?

Him:Yes.

Me:Is it serious?

Him:Yes.

Me:Why didn't you tell me? Change you facebook status? Something that shows that you are seriously talking to someone

Him:You know that I like to keep stuff low-key.

Me:I think that you should have told me.

Mind you, we talk late night, text one another, all the things that if your partner finds they might be like who the bleep is this bleep texting you and you talking to all the time?!?! At this point, my ego is slightly bruised. Its my fault that I read too much into our friendship and that I possibly developed feelings and they didn't surface he told me this and a couple of waves of jealousy ran through me.

The conversation continues and I try to keep it together like I am not phased.

Me: So, what if you get a job up here. You can't just leave her.

Him: I'll bring her with me.

In my mind, I am like ok, this is too weird. I need to cut this short and hit him with the 'take care'. Basically 'take care' means if we talk again, fine, if not, that's fine too.I wish you no ill-will or harm; I wish you the best.

Trying to end on a positive note, I tell him that I will review his resume send it back to him. I try to end the conversation, but we go on a little more about random stuff.

Helater contacted me on IM and ignored him. He sent an email. I ignored him. It's to the point where I stay off of the computer during our normal chat session hours and refrain myself from sending my normal random texts during the work day

To be continued...

Click here to read Part I.

Just in Case, Take Care: Part I

You see it all the time in movies. Two people of the opposite sex who are friends make a pact that if one of them isn't married or in a serious, committed relationship by the time they are 30, then they'll get married. It's called a Just-in: Just in case (fill-in the blank). In real life, people have a just-in, but you may not call it that. I had a just-in...or so I thought.

Perhaps I was living in a dream world, or reading into our frequent conversations way too much. Either way, I feel some type of way. Although we live hundreds of miles away from one another, he came to this area and failed to call me to meet-up. Not even on no nasty type stuff either. I thought that was odd when I heard from other people, and facebook, that he was in the area. When we spoke again, he stated that he was really busy while up here. Whatever. I thought that we were better than that.

To be continued....

Note: Originally this was going to be one long post, venting about an issue that I had with a friend. After careful consideration, I decided to break it up into three parts. I think that once I get to the end of it my feelings may have changed some and it will actually play out in real time. This is not a work of fiction--true life